Social Media for Humans

Confidence and self care with Noleen Sliney

June 04, 2021 Alexis Bushnell Season 1 Episode 14
Social Media for Humans
Confidence and self care with Noleen Sliney
Show Notes Transcript

An honest chat about self care and business with natural beauty legend, Noleen Sliney (she/her). We dove deep into all aspects of showing up for your audience from how you look, to how you feel to how you take care of yourself.

Noleen is a former Treasury Analyst, turned International Organic Makeup
Artist, founder of Natural Beauty Society, Creator of How to Look Your Virtual Best on Zoom and judge in the Natural Health Beauty Awards.
She’s been called “The Organic Makeup Queen” by Natural Health Magazine and named a Top Beauty Eco Influencer.
A pioneer of the digital beauty age, Noleen works virtually with professional women worldwide teaching them how to show up powerfully and confidently for success in business and life. She helps them create their signature look as well as easily transition to organic products that are kind to their skin, health, animals and the planet. In addition to this, she also worked in the finance industry for more than 10 years.

Noleen's links
Find out more about Noleen over on her website:


Join the movement to change social media from the inside out:

Support the podcast and get early access to episodes on Patreon:

Alexis' links.
I hang out on Instagram:​
Find me on Facebook:
Join the club to learn more about ethical and effective social media marketing:

Voice over by Hawke Wood:

Support the show

- [Hawke] Hello, and welcome to "Social Media for Humans." The podcast that empowers you to do social differently. Your hosts, Alexis Bushnell and her guests, discuss their experience of social media as business owners, users, and ultimately humans. With insights and advice to help you find an effective and ethical strategy that works for you. Grab yourself a drink and join the conversation. - Hello, hello. I am here with fabulous Noleen who is looking very glamorous as always. So, would you like to introduce yourself and tell us what you do? - Hi Alexis, and thank you for that lovely intro by the way. (chuckles) So my name is Noleen Sliney. I'm she, her. And I'm a former treasury analyst turned international organic makeup artist. I am the founder of Natural Beauty Society, the creator of How to Look Your Virtual Best on Zoom. And I'm a judge in the Natural Health Beauty Awards and I've been called the organic makeup queen by Natural Health Magazine. I was also named a top beauty eco influencer. Really what I do is I work with people, men and women. It's not always men but sometimes men. And I work virtually with them to really help them to show up powerfully and confidently for success in business and in life. So one of the ways I help them for example is helping them create their on camera leadership look which we're all on camera now. So everybody needs to kind of show up as their best selves at the moment. One of the other ways I help people as well is I have a big focus on self care, that's something I've really been working on a lot lately and your beauty routine of self care by the way. But we may talk about that later. (chuckles) The other way I help people as well is I help them to ethically nurture their skin by easily transitioning to natural and organic products that are kind to their skin and to their health, and of course also being kind to animals and the planet as well. - There are so many reasons that I love what you do and people who watch the podcast, the video version of this, will probably notice I'm not really a big makeup person. (chuckles) I'm not that girl, but I really, really love the stuff that you sort of talk about from both the self-care perspective and the confidence perspective and all of that. It's so refreshing, I think, in the beauty industry to see somebody speaking about finding the inner confidence and reflecting yourself and also using it, like you say, as self-care and rather than sort of morph yourself into this externally perfect version of whatever you're supposed to be. But you said initially that you've had a pretty serious change in gear, job wise, so, what kind of pushed you into the that? What was the sort of trigger for you? - How long do we have here now for this question? (chuckles) But you're absolutely right. I guess really when I think about it now, this was always going to happen, but for so long, I fell into the trap of, okay well, I better get the nine to five job which by the way is never nine to five. I don't think I ever worked nine to five my entire time in corporate. And I was in it for 12, 13 years. But really I always knew that I wanted to do something different but I didn't know what it was for so long. So I guess it was kind of that stage, you know what it's like when you're 17, 18 and it's like, "Now you better find a career now. "And this is your career for life." And it's like, "I didn't know what I wanted to do." I was like, "Why are you making me make this decision now? "I just want to travel for a while." And I knew that I wanted to do those and really experience life as well. Yes obviously going to university and having an education, all those things are super important, of course they are. But for me also, experiencing life is just as important because, I would say that while I have tonnes of qualifications what's really stood to me, is actually all the life experience that I have. And the things that I've done and seen. What happened was I ended up studying finance and then I actually funnily enough I ended up in the travel industry. When I came straight out of college I was in the travel industry for about three or four years. And that was then after that when I fell into the finance industry. And whilst it was okay, I always felt like it was always just a job. And I worked for various different companies. I worked for some of the biggest companies in the world but I just always knew, no, this is not for me. There's something else out there. And I couldn't figure out for a long time. It's about 11, 12 years ago now cause we're from Ireland but we moved to Germany. I already knew at that stage, it was like, "Right, I definitely want to do something different now." And I felt like, "Okay this is gonna be my opportunity "to do it." But that didn't happen. Whilst I did do something different as in I learned how to speak German fluently, I still ended up falling back into a finance job. And to be honest with you, that was the low point for me. And it was also the, "Okay, I have to get myself out of this." Because I was in a job that I absolutely hated. It was the worst job I'd ever been in. And it was horrible company to work for. It was literally a combination of everything, bad that could have been about a job. I was like, "I have to do something about this now." And at that stage, I guess I kind of did realise, you know what? Maybe being a makeup artist is what I want to do. I always enjoyed it. And again for me, I didn't just wanna be any old makeup artist. And I don't mean that in a derogatory way to anybody, but for me, it was always about the organic side of it the natural side, the animal side of things, animal cruelty. These are things that are super important to me in my life in general. Wellness is always something I've been interested in. So for me it was like, "Okay, well, "this is a really good progression here. "This is how I can really kinda get into this." I do remember having a conversation one time with my partner when things were really bad in the job and I was so miserable and he said to me, "If you don't leave that job, I'm gonna do it for you." And I was like, "Okay." (chuckles) It was almost like I need that. - That's the kind of partner people should have. (Noleen laughing) - Exactly, exactly. He's so good. When you're in a situation that... This could be for anything in life. Sometimes we have the blinkers on, and I didn't even realise this was affecting my life in general. I stopped seeing my friends for a while. I didn't wanna see anybody because it was like... The way everybody else is, "So how's work and how's your job?" And I was like, "I don't wanna talk about any of this. "I just wanna be by myself." And I was like, "Oh, whoa, okay." What was great was that he was seeing this in me. And he gave me that, I guess kick up the ass if you like, that I absolutely needed. And I'm so grateful to him for it. And he's been so supportive with all of this as well. I guess that was it for me. And I guess if I'm being honest with you there was another light bulb moment there. It's kind of really these two things where I started to realise, "Hold on a second, "I have like another 30 years or so of my work life left." And I was like, "That is way too long "to be stuck doing something I don't like it." And I didn't want to be like all of my friends who were moaning about their jobs. And in fact I was one of those. I was that person for a long time. I was like, "Oh yeah, how's the job? Pays bills, whatever." And I was like, "No, life is not meant to be like that. "There's much more out there." And also I knew that I wanted to come home at the end of the day whether it was a 14 or 15 hour day, which quite often it could have been, and I wanted to feel like I'd achieved something at the end of the day. And so often that was not the case. In fact, most of the time that wasn't the case. And I was like, "No, "and I know that I'm meant to be doing something "that makes a bit more of a difference in the world, "that adds value to people's lives." And I felt like that's not what I was doing in the jobs I was in. So, I guess I feel like long-winded way of saying it but they were kinda the two really aha moments for me, the light bulb moments. And then I quit my job. And honestly, the minute I did, I knew it was the right thing. The day that I started in the makeup school, I knew that I had done the right thing. Now, obviously I know faced challenges there as well with being someone who wanted to be more in the natural and organic side. I do remember when I started in the makeup school and everyone was so young, they were 18 and 19. I know. There was me, I got a 12 year corporate career at that stage and I was thinking, "Oh my God, I'm so old now." But actually I realised pretty quickly that all of that again it goes back to life experience that actually that I had done up until then. Whilst you think, "Huh, makeup and finance is not really the same." Again, it was all that experience. I knew how to deal with clients. Most of them, it took them. A lot of them actually gave up businesses even because they didn't know how to deal with clients. They've never had a job before. Oftentimes we think, "Oh, all that was just a waste of time." It never is. Anything we do in life it's never a waste of time because it's how you use that. And it's a great thing to build on. Do you know what I mean? Every step of your life, it's just a phase and you can use all that experience with you no matter what you're doing. - 'Cause you say that even when you sort of moved into beauty, you were still sort of an outlier because of your attitude to beauty and ethics and that kind of thing, how did you sort of go through that sort of process and hold on to your vision of what you wanted to do in beauty? - It definitely was a struggle sometimes. You know what it's like in life. We feel like we have to fit in and all of this kinda thing but for me, my values and ethics were just too strong to want to do that. What I will say is there was definitely a struggle with trying to find products at the time because whilst natural and organic skincare has definitely... I would say that's definitely the one that's way ahead of the game. And it has been for quite a while. And makeup was the one that wasn't much available. Certainly if there were natural and organic products available, they weren't very good quality. So I did have to make I feel some compromises there for a while because obviously I was working with clients, I was working on photo shoots. I was working with bridal clients. They still needed products that were really good quality. I had to still use products until actually the products were available. The really good quality products were available. I had to make that compromise for a while. But the thing that I never ever compromised on was it always, always, always had to be 100% cruelty-free. That was something I was never willing to compromise. I don't care how good the products that it was. I don't care if it's been tested on animals, get it away from me. I don't want it anywhere near me. So there was that side of things, but again like I also said, I did have to deal with them. People would say, "Well, what do you mean you wanna use natural and organic?" They'd look at me like I was sort of a weirdo. And it's like, "Oh, that hippy stuff." And all this kind of thing. I guess it's like anything in life, isn't it? It's like when you truly believe in something, you know what? I just knew If I even did say, "Try and veer off and go. "Okay maybe I should do what they're doing," it just didn't feel right to me. Everything was off about me. My energy off. How I show up was off, and I'd be like, "No, this is not what I want to do." And I think the message the confidence side of things, again, that was something that I never wavered on. It was always like, "No, I don't care what you're saying "about oh lets change how the person looks." all that sort of stuff. That was always a no-no for me as well. - It's interesting because it's so clear from the stuff you put out on social media, from everything you do, it is so clear that those things are baked into your business. They are so at the core of it. It's something that I spoke to Nancy about on a previous podcast, it was, building your business around those morals, so that they are truly a core part of it. Because that is how then everything comes out from that with the same morals and the same ethics attached. So it is really amazing to see that you sort of held on so tight to those things and were like, "No, I'm not gonna make these adjustments "just because everybody else is doing it." That's really nice. And you talk about confidence as well. Another thing that runs through all of your stuff is confidence. And it's definitely something that I come up against with clients as well who are like, "Oh, I can't go on video cause I'm too shy. "I don't look right. "I'm not that kind of person. "I can't go live. "I can't show up on stories. "I can't do these things." What do you tell people? Because that must be one of the big things, especially at the moment, that people are speaking to you about. - Absolutely. Everything you just described there, I hear every day as well. So let's even just go back to basics. Let's take out the video part for now, okay? I'd even just take myself, okay? When I wear makeup, I'm wearing it for me, okay? I wear makeup, even if I am not going on video that day, if I'm sitting in the house by myself, okay? I wear it because, again, I go back to it's self care, okay? It's an act of self love. That's what it is for me. It's like, "You know what? I'm caring for my skin. "I'm doing something lovely for myself." And it's also about the feeling that it gives me because it's the thing where I've made an an effort for myself. I'm putting in how many hours per day for everybody else and everything else in my life? Do you know what? I'm gonna spend 10 minutes on myself as well, because I am absolutely worthy of that, okay? So that's where I really come from when it comes from the side of makeup. Now, if somebody doesn't wanna wear makeup, so for example you were saying you're not a big makeup girl, that's absolutely fine. That's your choice. You know what I mean? And I feel like this is where the issues come in when it comes to makeup. It almost goes to the extremes sometimes. It's like people are like, "I don't want to wear makeup "because I'm sick of people telling me to wear it." Or you have the other extreme where people are like, "I have to wear it because "oh my God I don't like how I look, "I'm tryna cover up things." All this kind of thing. We have to change that mindset completely, okay? Because there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to wear makeup. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting to wear makeup, but ultimately it has to be what's gonna make you feel good? And that's what it's about. And I always say that the boldness of makeup it enhances your complexion. It enhances your natural beauty. That's the bonus side. For me as I say, it's that act of self love and how it makes me feel. So, going back to video, okay? So I do believe, yes. Definitely when you wear makeup on video it absolutely is gonna make a difference to how you look, okay? And look, we're visual people. We can't get around that. You think about even go to job interviews, it is important how you dress to a job interview because the first thing interviewer sees about you is you. And whether we like it or not, as humans that's just how our brains work. But again, I go back to, it's still about doing it for you. So the way I say it is, you know what? If you are a bit scared to go on video... Well, if putting on a bit of makeup is gonna give you that extra boost of confidence to go, "Do you know what? I feel really good now. "I'm gonna give this a try. "Why not do it?" Now, it doesn't have to be something that... Cause again, this is the one that goes, I would say myths about makeup it's like, "Oh, it's a lot of fuss. "Oh, takes ages." Well, first of all, again, I go back to if you're saying it's a lot of fuss, it takes ages. Well, first of all you're saying about yourself, you're not worthy of that time, okay? Whether that's five minutes or 55 minutes, okay? But secondly, it doesn't have to take 55 minutes anyway, okay? But only if you want to. So makeup, I do makeup looks in five minutes. I can do them in 10 minutes. Some days I spend 20 minutes. It's really on how I feel. But I'm gonna decide that for me, because again, that's what makes me feel good. So does that make sense, what I'm saying there? - Yeah, and I think it is. 'Cause one of the things I've seen a lot of people sort of speak about it in lockdown, has been this sort of, some of them have been, "I've not worn makeup at all, "And it's so freeing. I love it. "And I don't ever wanna have to wear it again." And I've seen other people who've been like, "I've not bothered to wear makeup "because I've not been going to work," and whatever. "And I just feel so down about myself "and I don't really know why." And then there's this sort of revelation of like, "Maybe that's why, I'm not taking the time to do this thing "that is actually important to me. "And that is a part of who I am." And I think you're right. We need to sort of get rid of this moral judgement around makeup. If you want to wear it, then you can wear it. That's fine. That's great. And if you don't, then you don't. And if you wanna wear it occasionally, you can do that. That's totally fine. And I do think as well, like you say, if it helps you to show up for your audience if it helps you to put on your sort of business persona or whatever, however you sort of are seeing it, then you should do it because you deserve to show up for your audience and your audience want to hear from you as well. - Yes, absolutely. And I always say that, we kind of touched the obviously there, people talk about wearing nice clothes or getting dressed up or putting on makeup almost as vanity, but it's not. I say that it really is the energy behind everything you do. So again, whatever you're wearing, should be something that makes you feel good for some people that might be their tracksuit. Do you know what I mean? For someone else that might be their ballgown. (chuckles) Whatever it is but why not do what you gotta do to make yourself feel good? Again, as I say, this is the self-care side of things. And I think where the problem often comes in is that people make it about other people, okay? Just going back to what you were saying their about lockdown, right? Some people saying, "Oh yeah, I haven't been going out, "so I haven't been getting dressed up." Why? I don't understand that. What you're saying there is, you're only doing it for other people. "I'm only doing it if I'm gonna see somebody." But you're gonna see yourself, you see yourself the most, you see yourself 24/7. When people say to me, "I'm not doing it because I've no one to impress." I say, "Yeah you do, yourself. "You have to impress yourself. "The only person you ever need to impress is you." Obviously of course, as I said, there's the side of it where look, ultimately like if you're in a professional situation, of course you wanna show up in a professional way. And obviously what you wear can make that... Sorry, that's one way to do it, sorry. Like for example, if somebody is showing up in their bathrobe at a networking meeting, or something, or an interview, obviously that's not very professional. And again, it's not gonna to make you feel very good. - Or the shirtless Florida lawyers! (both laughing) - I can tell you. I don't know if I can do business with them. (Noleen laughing) Do you understand the point I'm making? I think when we get into that mentality, it's just for you. I kinda think of it as well like, is it vain to want to have your garden nice. People are always talking about keeping their gardens nice. Or is it vain to keep your house nice? If nobody's says that's vanity. So why is it vane to want to do something nice for you? When you think about an example, as you were saying in a professional situation when you're showing up let's say on your Facebook lives, your Instagram or whatever for your people, ultimately people feed off other people's energy, one way or the other, okay? Someone's showing up like this, whatever, people are gonna notice that, and obviously people don't really buy from people who are in a negative energy. You know how it is, you know what I mean? But we are very attracted to people whose energy maybe are similar to ours. But also that is a little bit... I'm not saying everybody has to be really upbeat, that's not what I mean, your energy is your energy. What it's about is making sure that the best of you is coming across. Do you know what I mean? One of the best ways for me to do that is by actually looking after myself. And I look after myself in many ways. Obviously I wear makeup and I like to wear clothes that make me feel good. If I showed up here today in just my pyjamas or something, I'd probably be sitting here like this. I wouldn't be showing up as the best version of me. But it is about obviously finding that. And that's where the confidence really comes in because you're not trying to pretend you're something else that you're not. Do you know what I mean? And again, I feel people think it's like, "Oh but I don't like wearing..." Let's say shirt and tie." Let's take a guy for example. "Or I don't like wearing a suit." Okay, that's fine. Then don't wear that. But wear whatever it is that makes you feel good. And again, even if that is for you, a t-shirt and jeans or whatever, but make sure you find the thing that makes you feel good because that's ultimately that's how the best version of you is gonna show up because you're feeling relaxed. You're feeling like, "Oh God, it's just me. "We've got the best of me is coming out here." And people will feed off that. Okay you're doing social media, for example, I'm doing makeup. There's lots of makeup artists. There's lots of people doing social media but what attracts people to you? What attracts people to me? It's the way we show up and the energy we're giving off because we're just being ourselves. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah. And I do think it ties so deeply into that authenticity. And I think it is so difficult to show up as your authentic self online. And this is something that people speak to me about a lot as well. Is this sort of, "I can't be myself because I'm too this "or I'm not that enough. "And I'm whatever. "I have to be this professional version of myself. "I have to be this kind of person." It seems like a small thing to say like, "Well dress how you feel comfortable, "dress how you feel confident and see what happens." But it does make a difference. If you are wearing something that you feel comfortable and confident in, then when you show up be that on video calls or on lives or just writing your captions for your social media, you are gonna show up as your authentic self because you feel good as your authentic self. And I do think that a lot of this sort of... And there's nothing wrong with wearing PJ's to work. Been doing that a lot. But I do notice that like you said, my energy is very different. And sometimes it's because generally I hadn't slept well, I feel a bit rough, whatever, totally fine to wear your PJ's. Give yourself a break, that's okay. But if you're showing up like that every day and you notice that you always feel low energy, it is worth trying like, "Well, maybe I'm gonna..." I actually went out and bought some comfortable clothes that aren't PJ's. So that I had an option that wasn't PJ's. So I could be like, "Yes, I can put something on, "that's really comfortable and chill, but it's not pyjamas." (chuckles) These are my work pyjamas basically. (laughing) - You're fancy pyjamas and your normal pyjamas. (chuckles) I love it. - It does. It makes such a difference. I think some of it is that it triggers your brain to be like, "This is not bedtime. This is not relax time." And some of it is just you have made the effort for yourself to put on something that isn't just pyjamas, to get changed to put on something that feels nice. And it does make such a huge difference to how you show up for people definitely. - Absolutely. And it's because you're showing up for yourself first and foremost. Again, I go back to, obviously we're showing up for our people, but first and foremost, it has to be for you. Especially when you're running a business, why are we doing it? We go back to our why and that there, but that's also it. And all of those things make a difference. And then when you are showing, "First of all my why is in the back of my head. I know. "I'm so passionate about this." And then that's gonna come across. And then when you have, as you said, done something nice for yourself, then that's also going to come across. And that's when we're gonna give ourselves the best version of us. That's when people are gonna notice that. And that's what gives us the best chance as well of people choosing us over somebody else. - It really does. Because it helps people connect with the real you. Like you said, you are giving yourself that opportunity to show up as your true self, so people can see that and relate to that. And that is oftentimes what makes the difference because they're connecting with you especially if you are a service-based business. You are what is selling people on you. - It pretty much is. Okay, people will come to me, they need help with their makeup and obviously the natural and organic side of things as well. And people come to you for help with social media. But really when you ask them, why did they choose you and Alexis? Or why did they choose me? They'll say, "Oh, well it's your energy. "I really like your values." And it's always something like that. It's never oh because your prices were the better ones or your social media service is better than someone else, it's because of you. They want you, as you said. - It really that is what makes the difference for people. What was I gonna ask you? Oh, self care. That's what I was going to speak to you about. Because a lot of your content recently on social media has been so self-care focused which I am so here for. I especially loved the posts that I saw that were like, "You can't say that when my business is successful "then I will have time for self-care. "When I have earned this much. "When I have this many clients. "when I've achieved this thing, "then I am going to have a day off. "I am gonna work fewer hours. "I am going to whatever." So what inspired you to start talking about that I guess at first. - It was kind of one of those aha moments again recently. Self-care is something I've always talked about but what happened was recently it was, one of those moments you're in the shower and you have all the ideas (chuckles). All the best ones always go in the shower. And all of a sudden I had this idea for a two day experience that I was going to. It was gonna be a free experience. And I decided to call it self-care for success. I probably really wanna think about it, what triggered it was, just seeing posts from people talking to people I knew, talking to clients and they were saying "Oh, I'm exhausted at the moment. "Oh my God, I could really do with some self care." And I was thinking to myself, "Okay, but like your self care "is something that you don't need to wait to do." I think people often think of self-care like a holiday or I'll take a day off now and every now and again, or it's a day at the spa or something like that. Don't get me wrong, there're all really nice ways to still practise self-care. We all need a holiday. We all need a break. But for me, self care are the the tiny little things that we do every day. That's what self care is. I guess really that was what inspired me to create this. And actually what happened was, I was actually about to launch a group programme that I had decided on. Again, just from talking to people and that group programme was going to be elements of self care, confidence, empowerment. Then I was also putting in elements of the... How to do your makeup for camera, for example and how to show up confidently on camera. And it was also gonna put in elements of the natural and organic side of things. And when I did actually launch it then... So I ran the two day event. I launched that programme and people were saying, "I really like it, but you know what? "I prefer at the moment "to just focus on the self care side of things." And I was like, "Huh, okay. "Maybe I should actually change the group programme now." So actually I didn't actually change the group programme, I'm still gonna run that other one at a later date, but I created a whole new one in about a week. Because this is a great thing. Isn't it about why we should always just put things out there imperfectly, because I got a completely different group programme out of there. And that's when I came up with self-care make-over. And as I say what I was realising was from the two day event I ran, I also ran another event on LinkedIn and just listening to people. For example, some people were saying, "Oh no, I'm pretty good with my self care." And then we start talking about things like, "Okay, how many times a day do you check your phone? "Are you checking your phone late at night?" "Do you have sneaky check on the weekends?" "Are you multitasking?" And people are like, "Oh God, yeah, I'm doing all of those things," okay? Those kind of things are all also self care. Again, I go back to what you were saying about, people are saying, "Oh I'll wait until I'm successful. "I'll wait until I have X amount of money "or X amount of clients." That's the wrong way round, okay? Because if you are not practising your self care now, how are you ever going to have all of those clients and the money you want? And in fact, it's actually gonna get busier. And maybe you will have some elements of success. And if that's okay, that's fine. But is it really worth like burning yourself out? Sacrificing your health, sacrificing your wellbeing, your relationships even. Is it really worth that to have ultimately what's gonna be short term success? Because that's not sustainable the way a lot of people are working right now. It's just the road to burn out. We may as well just be blunt about it. It is. And I've seen it. I know people that this has happened to. And let's be honest, you can't do anything when you're ill. You might have some success and you might go, "Well, I have all these big orders in now. "All these big projects, these clients." But then if you get ill, well you can't fulfil any of those orders anyway, okay? The way people are working right now, it's not sustainable. That's not how success or long-term success is going to be achieved. Some people are like, "Well, I'm okay. "I'm not burning myself out." But they're also still not operating maybe 90 to 100% percent most of the time. The majority of the time they're operating at just 40 to 50% and kind of just limping along. And again, that's because it's all these things. Obviously, social media, phones, laptops, they're all brilliant. We need technology. It's fantastic. But it shouldn't be at the expense of our health either. The way we're using it right now it's just draining us of all the... I actually posted it today. It's like the energy vampire. It was a book I read a few years ago it was about that. It was called the "Energy Boss" I think but they talked about energy vampires in it. I said, "Actually, it's the the technology really "that's actually our energy vampires now. "It is draining us. As I say, all those things of working on the weekends. It might seem like it's small here and there but all those things are gonna add up. And as I said, and then let's say you do have some amount of success and all of a sudden you're like, "Oh great, all the orders are coming in now. "All the projects, all the clients," okay? Well you're gonna need to be at your absolute best most of the time. We cannot all be at our best all the time of course, it's not possible. But you are gonna be needing to operate at 90% to 100% percent the majority of the time in order to fulfil all of those orders. And also if you're not practising self care now, it's going to be harder for you to start when you are in the peak of it, when you've got extra work to do. So this is why I say it's so important to start doing it now even small things every day. Doing things with intention is self care. When we're tryna multitask and do five, 10 things at once. First of all, I think we all know by now, research has showed us, that multitasking means you're not doing anything well and you're not getting it done quickly either. And when we start to do things like single tasking for example, first of all, we're getting it done quicker. We're getting it done better, okay? And also, we're doing it with intention. It's not this it's not causing stress. When we're trying to do so many things at once... Even as I'm talking about it now I feel it in the pit of my stomach, oh God, that feels stressful. Do you know what I mean? Even your makeup, I'll go back to your makeup routine, your skincare routine, having a shower. They are all self care as well. Now, obviously it's great to be adding in other things like obviously if you wanna do a workout, if you want to read more, if you want to go to bed earlier, you wanna have a morning routine of journaling, meditating. They're all brilliant. They're all great ways to practise self-care as well. But for the days when we're super busy and we all have a lot of them, we have to remember as well... One thing I talked about a lot was, and I've been guilty of this too by the way, I'll say, "Okay, I'm going to take a break now. "I'm going to go and make a cup of tea." And I still bring the phone with me and I'm checking the phone when I'm making the cup of tea. And I'm like, "That's not a break." (chuckles) Do you know what I mean? It's all these little things like that that are still self care. - I am so guilty of that. And I notice the more stressed I get, the more I multitask, and the more I do things like say, "I'm gonna go take a break. "I'm gonna go for a walk. "And then I'm gonna do stories on my phone "while I'm walking." (Noleen chuckles) (indistinct) And as I'm doing it I'm thinking, "I'm working. "I'm not having a break. "I'm still working." (chuckles) - Actually laughed at you videos where you've been out for a walk. and here going, "Well she's out for a walk "but she's still working." (chuckles) - This is not a break. (chuckles) - We're not allowing our brains and never mind even our bodies to actually really take a break. When I got the idea in the first place it was in the shower. Why is it that we get so many ideas in the shower? It's because we can't do anything else. We're just in the shower, and we've actually allowed ourselves those two three minutes even, if that's all we're even in the shower for, we've allowed ourselves that time. But we're not doing that when we're out and about. And actually there was one of the girls when I ran the LinkedIn event she said, "Oh my God, I thought I was doing really well "at my self-care." She said, "I work out, I look after what I eat." And she said, "Well, this all makes sense now "why even though I'm doing all those things "I still feel tired all the time." And I was like, "That's what it is." (chuckles) - I think it's very easy as well if you feel like you're good at self-care. I think it's really easy for self-care to become a checklist of, "These are the things I do for self care." And it just is it another thing on your list. It's not an intentional act of self-care anymore. It's just, "Have I done this? Yes. "Have done this? Yes. "Oh, good. "Now I'm gonna do something else that's work "or I'm gonna do the housework." And it loses its power to some degree because it becomes just that check, I've done this thing. For me, the way I've sort of gotten around, 'cause I definitely found that I was doing that, is that I have one self-care non-negotiable which for me is yoga. And then like anything else. So I do yoga every day and then I can mix up anything else to add in self-care wise. Some days I'll meditate or I'll read for a bit or I'll go for a walk, without the phone. (both laughing) And I try and mix it up so that it's not just a checklist of, have I done these self-care things? Well, I guess how do you take care of yourself? What are your sort of self-care go-tos. - So I'm a bit like yourself. When you say about you have your self-care non-negotiable, so for me, mine is my daily workout. Even did it first thing this morning. And that is a non-negotiable for me. For example, I actually wrote a post of it this last week. There was one day last week where I woke up a bit later than usual. The alarm didn't go off or I was probably just a bit tired. Again, It's probably because my body actually needed a little bit of an extra few minutes in bed. But anyway, I woke up and as I said, the first thing that I do every morning is my daily workout. And then I was thinking to myself, "Oh God, but I woke up late now. "And oh my goodness, but I have a really busy day ahead. "Maybe I should just skip the workout." And then I was like, "No." The way I see my daily workout and other self-care things, which I'll talk about in a second, but that is to me like exactly what you said, it's non-negotiable but it's also like it's a meeting It's a meeting I have with me, okay? So I have the first meeting scheduled for today, for example. I have other meetings scheduled, okay? And the way I looked at it was, well would I cancel with someone else at the last minute? No, I wouldn't. That'll be first of all rude and also unprofessional, okay? So why would I cancel the meeting with myself? Again, I'm not gonna be rude and unprofessional to me either. So that's one of my ways that I really have helped myself to get into this non-negotiable habits. And again, there's obviously gonna be days... Of course there's days when I skipped my workout. It's not perfect. Nobody is. That's the other thing. I think people think that it has to be this, "I have to do my perfect routine, "and have to do these things, "and I have to journal and meditate." No, it's about finding what works for you first of all. Maybe you like yoga, for example, I like my workout. You also like meditating and journaling, somebody else might prefer something else. Maybe someone else's thing is to go for a walk first thing in the morning, or even just to have 10 minutes to themselves where they do nothing in silence. That's what it's all about, finding what works for you and then making it non-negotiable. So, as I said, for me the workout is the thing though that... And actually of course, obviously, I did do the workout at the end last week, and guess what? I still got all my work done. In fact, I probably got it done more efficiently. The second that I started my workout, I was like, "Okay, I'm already..." Because you know what it's like when you wake up late and you're like, "Oh, I have so much to do." And you start feeling a little bit stressed. The second I started I was like, "Oh, I'm instantly calmer now. "Do you know what? It'll be okay. "I'll get through the day. "You know what? it'll be fine." And so this is why self-care is so essential Again, just like yourself, sometimes I don't go for a walk every single day but I do try to get one in. Okay, well, that's like a bonus thing. For example, I like to read. Now again, I don't get to read a lot every day but I like to spend at least five minutes reading a day. And if I can get more in than that's a bonus, that's great. And what I've been trying to do a lot lately is get into the habit that I'm going to bed a half hour earlier than I was going and making that... I could sit on the computer. You know what it's like when you do what you love. You can still sit on the computer and I'll just get out one more thing and I'll just be on the phone and I'm making the conscious decision of switching the phone off or putting it on aeroplane mode about half hour before I go to bed. And then I'm like, "Right, getting into bed and going to read now for a while." And those kinds of things are really helping me. Other tasks for me that are self-care non-negotiable is my makeup routine and my skincare routine. And again, it's only a few minutes per day. It's only 10 minutes per day. It makes me feel really good. Again, it's that thing of, "I've done something lovely for me "before I've even started my day." I even consider my shower, my self care routine. So instead of getting in the shower and going, "Oh I have to get (indistinct) wash my hair really quickly," whatever. I'm like, "No, oh, okay. "I'm gonna spend 30 seconds to a minute "washing my hair, lovely." And I use nice products that make me feel nice. They're not even that expensive, but they smell nice and they're all natural and organic of course and they have lovely, essential oils in them. And little things like that. Even things again like, I used to brush my teeth and try and look at the phone or try and multitask when I was brushing my teeth. Now I'm like, "No, it's only two minutes brushing my teeth." Right. Just gonna do it. Again, oral hygiene is such an important thing. It's such a great way to look after yourself. So for me, it's all those little things. It's not necessarily big things, but it's those little small things that make a massive difference to how my day goes. - It's true. And I think actually when you're talking about the sort of the teeth and trying to do things all at the same time, I think like productivity culture and the sort of productivity influencers that we see, it's all about habit stacking and doing as much as you possibly can in any given timeframe. And I understand where they're coming from but I think a lot of it comes down to FOMO. A lot of the reason people are going so hard into this sort of productivity culture is, I don't wanna miss out on something. I've gotta listen to a podcast while I'm doing the do my teeth, while I'm in the shower, while I'm doing something else. I've gotta read this book but I'm also gonna be listening to something at the same time and I'm gonna do some work but I'm also gonna be on a call or whatever. And I think a lot of it is sort of comes down to saying to yourself, "I'm gonna miss stuff. "I'm gonna miss stuff. "I can't watch everything. "I can't read everything. "I can't listen to everything in the world." There is not time in the day. There is not time in your life to experience everything, to do all those things. And I think sort of trying to become okay with that and going, "Right, I choose to miss out on some stuff," can be really helpful but then allow yourself to go, "Right, I am gonna spend two minutes brushing my teeth "and not do something else at the same time "and not try and optimise every single moment of my day." You can go and make a cup of tea and not be thinking about your business decision or showing up on stories or doing whatever. It's absolutely okay to choose to do less and to choose to miss things. And I think that is kind of a huge act of self care is to allow yourself to to miss things. - I 100% agree. Absolutely. I love what you said, first of all, it's that I choose, okay? That is the whole point? It's always a decision. It's a decision to do it, or it's a decision not to do it, okay? When people tell me, "I don't have time for self care," I say, "No, that's not true. You do have time. "It's just that you choose not to do it. "You choose to prioritise other things, okay?" And that's fine if that's what you choose. But then I always say, and I don't mean to sound harsh here but I think it has to be said. Look, when you've made that decision, then you can't complain, "Oh God, I'm tired all the time." But you've chosen not to do that but you can choose not to do all things. And I have to go back to what you were saying there about people tryna fit in as much as possible. Why? You have to ask the question. Ask yourself, why am I doing this? Why do I need to fill my time with all of these things? Is it really going to benefit me? What would happen if I didn't do it? Probably nothing. (chuckles) Do you know what I mean? What would happen if you didn't listen to those 10 podcasts? Absolutely nothing. And actually is it benefiting you by doing all the things? By listening to all the things? Because ultimately, it gets to a point where, you're just consuming stuff, but you're not actually really getting any benefit out of it. It's really about quality over quantity, isn't it? So we don't have to be doing filling our time with every single thing, we don't. It's about spending that time well, and doing it with intention. I go back to the toothbrush thing, geez, that might sound really stupid to some people but it absolutely is true. You think about it also when you calm down when you allow yourself sort of try to multitask and do those 10 things. Again, we go back to what research has shown us, it's not doing anything well. As we touched on it earlier, I come from a corporate culture, right? It was actually in the job title saying, "You must be able to multitask." And oh my God did I wear that with a badge of honour around like, "Oh my God, aren't I so great, I can multitask." And you will be there looking at other people who weren't multitasking like, "Oh my God, they can't do 10 things at once. "Isn't that terrible?" Now I know different. When I think about it now, none of us were doing anything well, if we were tryna do everything all together, and it took us 10 times as long to do it. Instead of taking maybe two hours to do something that takes five hours because you're trying to do so many things at once, the brain cannot do those things well. I go back to it is quality over quantity because when you're doing one thing and doing it well, you're actually getting a done quicker. It feels like if I'm if I'm only doing one thing, oh my goodness, that's not enough. But actually if you're doing one thing, you do it well, and you're finished but then you move on to the next thing, you're actually gonna get so much more done. That's much more productive than tryna do it the other way. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, definitely. And I do think actually the sort of multitasking thing is something that I notice a lot in women and people who were assigned female at birth. Women multitask, men can't multitask. That's why women are better. Women can keep a house and work a job and have a social life. And it's because we can multitask and it's like, "Okay, I'm not entirely sure "that that is exactly how it goes." (chuckles) (Noleen laughs) - That's true. - That's not the own that we think it is. - Oh my God, I grew up with that as well thinking, "Aren't I great. I'm a woman, I can multitask" But now I'm like, "Oh my God, okay. "I'm not gonna be shouting about that one anymore." (chuckles) - I do think it sort of filters into the business aspect of things especially when women then open their own businesses because there is that like, "Oh, women multitask, "that's what puts me ahead of the game. "I can do these 50 different things at once." And I think that is one of the things that leads to a lot of burnout in sort of female entrepreneurs and business owners, is this, "I'm gonna do all the things. "I am gonna prove that women can have it all." I'm not saying we can't have it. If you wanna have a job and have a family or do whatever you're doing, you can absolutely do all those things, but you cannot do it at the expense of yourself. Again, it comes back to missing out on things and choosing to miss out on things and you have to prioritise for you. What do you not wanna miss out on? What is actually important to you? And then what is less important? What is just, "Oh, well, I'd like to do that. "If I've got some spare time, I'll do that." And maybe that watching Netflix, maybe that's listening to podcasts, maybe you're not really big on exercise and that's just like a, "Well if I've got a half an hour here, "I'll do some yoga or whatever," but you need to know I think what is actually really important to you so that you can choose to miss out on the other stuff and not get caught up in that productivity cycle. - I 100% agree. You literally hit the nail on the head there. And what I would just add to that is, are you really missing out then? As you said, if you are making that list of, okay, what's really important to me? Then the other stuff then by definition isn't important to you, then you're not missing out. Do you know what I mean? So I think you're right. I think in the society that we live in today, we're supposed to be on almost 24/7. And it's like, "Oh my God." And it reminds me a lot of the beauty industry. It's like, if you're not doing things a certain way, oh my God, there's something wrong with you. That's a lot of rubbish. Again, it's this thing of trying to put people into boxes and you have to make the decision to not allow yourself to do that because this is why we have so many unhappy, miserable people in the world, because they're doing things that really they don't want to do. They're doing it cause they think they should. But actually if they stepped back and said, You know what? What is it that I really want to do?" That's when we would have so many more happier, fulfilled people in the world. I always say, misery loves company. That's why a lot of those people try to bring you down as well cause they're miserable. But if we had the other way round maybe the world would be a better place for that because happy people are not tryna drag anybody down, they're tryna pull people up with them and go, "Come on, let's all be..." That might sound a little bit airy fairy, but hopefully you get the point of what I'm trying to say. But it is so important and it goes back to everything we were talking about even at the beginning, this can be putting people into the box or being your authentic self it comes in many forms. It comes in, obviously, how you want to look, how you want to show up, but also what you're actually doing in your life. This is such a big problem in the world right now that people feel they should be doing this thing the FOMO, as you said. It's a mindset Again, you have to make that decision, don't you? And when you do, it's like this big weight is actually lifted off you because then you're like, "Well I don't have to do all this other stuff? "Brilliant, okay, great." And now I can concentrate on the things I do wanna do and I can do them really, really well. - And I think the other thing is, you have to make that decision all the time. It's not like you sit down and go right, you make your list of things that are actually important to you and you go, "I don't have to do the rest of it." And that's it. You have tick, I have achieved self-care, I win at life. It is a constant decision because like you said, the whole world is telling you that you have to do everything else. And it is a conscious decision to then say, if your friend recommends this amazing new Netflix series, and you're like, "I choose not to watch that. "I'll put it on my list, "and maybe I'll get round to it, "but that's not important to me." And you do have to keep sort of choosing that. Genuinely, I don't think that sort of idea that if you feel happy and you feel good, then you do lift other people up. I don't think it's sort of woo-woo or whatever at all. I think it's demonstrably true that the people who do feel good in their lives and in their choices, do actually go out there and support other people and try to help other people much more. And that is absolutely not to say that if you are in a really awful place in your life that you aren't helping other people, not at all. But if you feel good and you then have the brain space as well to actually be actively supporting people and to bring so much more sort of joy and help people in that way, which I think is really, really powerful. - I totally agree. And actually if I could just go back briefly to self care because this really ties in together here is that, again, and I was one of these people as well, I grew up with the thing that, "Oh my God, if I put myself first, it means I'm selfish." And whilst on one hand my mother was telling me, "Make sure that you look after yourself, it's vital. "You really should," I didn't see her doing that. So she was telling me that but she wasn't showing me that. So as a kid, obviously we look at our parents, we look what they're doing more than even what they're saying. And we're thinking, "Oh, okay, well, if my mom's not doing it "and she's always putting herself last, "if I put myself first, that means I'm selfish." So, it took me a long time. I grew up with that and I'm sure a lot of us have here. Obviously, you probably have as well and anybody who's listening to this. And it took me a very long time to realise actually that is completely the wrong way round. It's actually selfish not to prioritise myself. And the reason being is because if I am constantly putting myself last if I am not fulfilling my own needs, first of all it's detrimental to my wellbeing, to my health, okay? Also then, I'm not gonna be happy. How was that me then showing up as the best version of me for everybody and everything that needs me? They're not gonna get the best of me like they really need. And let's be honest, when we're feeling tired and drained and exhausted, and again, we're feeling unhappy, we're cranky, and we're miserable, and we're not nice to be around. And we snap a people and and we think, "Oh God, I'm really good. "I'm doing everything for everybody," but you are cranky and you don't mean to be, but you just are. And after a while, you almost starts to resent people from, "Why do they need me again? "Why did they shout my name again? "Okay. I'm here." Do you know what I mean? And that's not doing any good for them either. It's actually unselfish to prioritise yourself because ultimately, when we need to be there for other people and things in our lives, then actually they're all getting the best version of us. That's them. We're doing the best thing we can for them. Again, if we're only operating a 40 to 50% ourselves, that's all the people that need us are getting any. Do you know what I mean? But they they need us to be up 90 to 100%. So, you're obviously you're doing it for you as well but again, when you're doing it, everybody benefits. Do you know what I mean? - Yeah, definitely. I think that's a wonderful point to end on. So do you wanna tell us, where can people find you on the internet? - So my website is So that's N-O-L-E-E-N-S-L-I-N-E-Y And you'll pretty much find me on social media as Noleen Sliney everywhere. And I think on both the only Noleen Sliney in the world so it's not hard to find me. (chuckles) (indistinct) Sorry? - I'll put links in the show notes as well so people can find you even even easier. But I think actually I would like to extend a little challenge to people listening today to share on social media, their self-care routine. Whether that's their self-care non-negotiable or just things that they like to do for self care or maybe even what they're choosing to miss out on. Obviously, tag me, tag Noleen in those posts, because I would be really interested to see sort of what people are doing for self-care because it's so varied and it's so personal. - Yes, it is. It's very, very personal. That's the whole point. And I feel that this has been the problem as well up until now with a lot of the self care, certainly that I've seen online anyway. There's courses out there now and there's tonnes of articles and all that. That's great. But a lot of the time the articles or the the courses that are out there, they're like almost again, it's they're tryna put you into a box, so this is self care. This is how you do self care. Again, it's just whether it's your makeup routine or beauty or skincare routine, your self care is also so individual. It is not a one size fits all. And I feel a lot of those things that are out there now, again, are almost putting more pressure on people with FOMO, because it's like, "Okay I should be journaling and meditating every day." Because that seems to be a big one that's out there as well. I got to be honest, even myself. I do like journaling and I do like meditating but there are times when I feel it's almost an extra thing I have to do. And it's like, "Oh God, how am I gonna get the time in for this?" Or, "How am I gonna get the bond with my brain. "I'm trying to think of 17 things today," but it shouldn't be like that. And exactly, as you said, for some people, you and I obviously we love exercise, but that's not everybody's way of practising self-care and that's absolutely fine. And that's why you have to find what's right for you. And then when you do, oh my God, it is amazing, and then make it non-negotiable. And just one thing I'll add as well about self-care is that, setting boundaries is a huge one. That is self-care as well. By saying things like,

"I'm not available after 6:

00 PM and evening," for example. That you're only available between certain hours. And I would say women again maybe are kind of worse with this than men, is that again, we see like, "Oh God, if I set a boundary "someone's gonna be really annoyed at me "and oh God, they'll think I'm selfish." Nobody ever thinks that. It's only ever really in our heads because I have set lots of boundaries and I continue to. There's always gonna be new things that come up and not once has anybody ever complained about the boundaries I've set because they know they're my boundaries and that's it. The same way, if I say to somebody, say I say to you, "What are your opening hours?" And you say, "Let's say between nine and 5:00 PM." I go, "Okay, then I know that I only need to contact you

"between nine and 5:

00 PM." And if I do it out of hours I know that I'm not gonna get a message until you're back in the office. That's absolutely fine. So I think that's something as well, that is a great kind of a good practise to get into as well. And you can start with baby steps. You don't have to set huge, big things if it's not what you wanna do right now. Even set small little boundaries. It's gonna start building that muscle, isn't it? - Yeah, it really is. Boundaries are so important. And actually something I recommend to people when they struggle with doing it with social media, because some people are very hung up on they've got to respond to the DMS and the messages really quickly, is that you actually include in your bio when you are gonna be available to respond to those things. Because I think some people feel, if I've not directly communicated with somebody that I am available between these hours, that it's not okay for me to not be available out of those hours. So sometimes it can help people to give themselves permission to not be there all the time by putting it in there like, "I check messages Monday to Friday at 10:00 AM," or whatever, so that it is out there for people. - So true. I love that one. You're absolutely right. And it's about making that then your non-negotiable for yourself. I feel we shouldn't have to do this, but look, we have to do what we gotta do, and we have to make self-care and boundaries almost part of our daily to-do list. But not as in it's the bottom of the list, it's the first thing on the list. And then everything else comes along after that. Because all those other things on your list you're probably going, "Okay, I'm done. "I wanna make sure I get to them." Well then if you've done that with your self-care as well, then you're gonna get... After a while you won't need to do this but certainly if you need to get into that habit, that is really, really gonna help you to get into that habit. And then after a while it just becomes part of your everyday routine. You're not even thinking about it anymore. It's just what you do. - Definitely. So yes, do share your sort of self care routine. Self-care non-negotiables. What is working for you and what you are choosing to miss out on with us on social media, because I am so gonna share those and be like, "This is amazing. "Oh, I hadn't thought of that." "Oh, wow. That's pretty cool." (chuckles) - I love that when people share that we always find new things, don't they? I'm pretty good at my self care routine right now but there's always something else comes along or I'll see a suggestion from someone I'm like, "Oh, I really liked that one, "I'm gonna do that one myself as well." (chuckles) - And I think it really helps other people as well to see that there are different ways to do self-care, that there are different things. You don't have to be meditating and journaling. You can do other stuff. (laughing) - Exactly. Do, again, do what makes you happy. Don't feel you should do something or in a certain way, do it the way you want to do it and that feels good to you. And you can't go wrong then. - You can't. It's true. It has been so lovely talking to you. I'm sure this has been very helpful for people as well. So thank you very, very much for being here. - It's my absolute pleasure. And thank you so much, Alexis, for having me here. And I really do hope this was helpful and an inspiration for people as well. Remember you are your business. Forget strategies and all of those kinds of things. You know what? If you're not functioning at your best, none of those things will. So, you know what? You are your most important resource, I always say, so, put yourself care first. It is not selfish, it's unselfish to do that. - [Alexis] Just to let you know that the "Social Media for Humans" podcast will actually now be coming out every two weeks, not every single week. So the next episode will be out on the 18th of June. That's Friday, the 18th of June. Big thank you to Louise who is supporting the show on Patreon. If you wanna support the show over there, you can donate any amount you like every month. And that is super, super helpful. If you want to get something incredible for your money, you can join one of the Social Media for Humans clubs. We have a club for business owners which teaches you everything you need to know about using social media ethically and effectively. And we also have a club for non-business owners where can learn about and share your experiences of using social media, tying self-care into that, not losing your mind to social media and all that kind of thing. So there are lots of options if you wanna to support the podcast, that would be really, really super-duper but just listening and for subscribing, leaving a review, all makes a massive difference. So thank you very much. And I will see you in two weeks - [Hawke] If you want more regular reminders to find your own way to use social media, follow Alexis on your social platform of choice. All the links will be in the show notes. Until next time, be a human.