Social Media for Humans

Showing up as your authentic self with Tigz Rice

August 13, 2021 Alexis Bushnell Season 1 Episode 19
Social Media for Humans
Showing up as your authentic self with Tigz Rice
Show Notes Transcript

We're getting real about confidence, authenticity and boundaries in this episode with boudoir and brand photographer, Tigz Rice (she/her).

Tigz Rice is a Boudoir and Brand Photography specialist based in Hertfordshire, who helps fearless humans and bad-ass brands re-connect with themselves and feel empowered, confident and unapologetically present in both their personal and professional adventures.

Tigz's links.
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/TigzRiceStudios
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/tigzrice/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@tigzrice
Clubhouse: https://clubhousedb.com/user/tigzrice

Branding.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brandingbytigz/
Website: https://brandingbytigz.com

Boudioir
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tigzrice/
Website: https://www.tigzrice.com

Alexis' links.
I hang out on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alexisbushnell/​
Find me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SocialMediaForHumans
Join the club to learn more about ethical and effective social media marketing: https://socialmediaforhumans.club/

Voice over by Hawke Wood: https://www.spotlight.com/3490-9081-8844

Support the show (https://www.patreon.com/socialmediaforhumans)

[Hawke] Hello and welcome to Social Media for Humans. The podcast that empowers you to do social differently. Your host, Alexis Bushnell, and her guests discuss their experience of social media as business owners, users, and ultimately humans, with insights and advice to help you find an effective and ethical strategy that works for you. Grab yourself a drink and join the conversation. [Alexis] Hello hello, I am here with lovely Tigz with a fabulous headset would you like to introduce yourself please. [Tigz] Yes of course! Hi, I'm Tigz Rice with my fabulous headset. I am a boudoir and burlesque photographer, and also specialize in branding photography as well. My pronouns are she/her and I have been in business for 12 years now, empowering others to feel amazing and turn up for themselves in both their personal and professional lives. - Wow 12 years, that's a long time. - It is, it's yeah it's such a long time that sometimes I forget how long it's been, but at the same time it's just flown by. I think when you love your job as much as much as you do, you know it doesn't feel like a challenge turning up for work each day so yeah it's absolutely flown. - Have you done this your entire working career then, or did you transition into it at some point? - Pretty much. I actually, my degrees in illustration and graphic design so I had done that for, gosh, well that's what I trained in and when I came out of university it was 2009, it was the recession, like getting a job was just not gonna happen, so I set up in December as self-employed and it was a case of right, well, I'm gonna have to see myself through for the next couple of years until jobs start becoming available, but at the time, I did have a camera, but I was promoting myself as an illustrator designer sort of mixed media artist. I wouldn't say I became an official photographer until 2011 I think when it really started changing, and I didn't change my name from Tigz Rice illustration to Tigz Rice Studios until 2013, so it was like transition through the arts to find my comfy spot, but yeah so within, gosh, within like two months of graduating I was self-employed, so yeah pretty much. - How did that sort of transition happen the from illustration to more like empowering individuals? Why? - You know I think it was very much right place for right time. When I was doing my illustration degree I literally did illustration because I couldn't decide what I wanted to do at university and it was okay, well if I do illustration, and when I spoke to them about it they said you can do anything you like as long as the final thing that you present is two dimensional, so you could work with clay and printmaking and you know mixed media sculpture, whatever you wanted, as long as you photographed it or you know had something two-dimensional to work with. So i'd been doing that all the way through, and then in my final year I just fell out of love with drawing. I just, there was something in me just clicked I was like I can't do this anymore, I need to find something that's going to get me through my remainder of my degree and so I picked up a camera because that felt like the most natural thing to progress into, and I remember saying at the time oh I could never be a photographer. I have to work with people and I just, the time's like no, this isn't a career this is just a stop gap and turns out I really liked it and so I was getting my friends in to model for me in a cupboard that I turned into a makeshift studio so it had no windows. It had a bed sheet and some like really orange tungsten lamps but it worked and came out of uni obviously, passed my degree and the work that i'd been doing with these friends slash mostly friends, a couple of people that were like work colleagues that had modelling experience were saying "Tigz, we really love working with you like, could I have a shoot with you?" yeah of course, you know, and then it just took over from there and the illustration just fell away as it just became actually let me photograph you and I naturally was drawn to lingerie anyway. It was something that had always been a part of me growing up, and so then the lingerie sort of worked its way in there as well. I had put myself forward for a PR company as a photographer and i've got the "yeah we'll keep you on file" kind of email that you kind of expect and then the next day I got an email saying actually our photographer fell through for an event tonight, can you maybe cover it for us, there's no money like we'll pay your travel but you know if you fancy it, and I'm just like well, i've got nothing else to do today sure you know like let's get some work experience in the photography industry. It turned out to be a burlesque festival and so I turned up and was like "Oh, this is where I belong, like these are the people that I want to be with!" and so I did that first evening. I managed to kind of like wriggle my way in and get myself on the press list for the whole night for the rest of the five days, and by the time i'd finished that i'd networked so much that I had over 100 clients to then fill the rest of my year with and I just ended up in this and you know then 12 years later I'm still going, so there was... I didn't actively make a choice like well I must have done at some point but I just ended up here and I love the journey that i've been on and I'm so grateful that it did go this way, so yeah absolutely not a choice to be here that I know of but yeah amazing journey - That is a very interesting story, but now you also do like branding style shoots? - Yes - So how did that come about? - So i've always been really interested in the business side of things anyway, like when I was growing up my parents ran a tea bar for a local football club, and so I was very interested in every aspect of the business, like promotion and you know the sales side of things, so I think i've been actually been drawn into that side of helping other people with their businesses anyway, and it's been something i've offered for a really long time, just not very proactively, and then with lockdown I had the time and I had some mentoring from some amazing programs. The Hertfordshire Growth Hub had a business mentor scheme and someone said to me "Why don't you consider splitting them out you know make one the boudoir and, you know, split off and really actively offer the branding stuff?" so over the last 12 months i've been working on actually separating them out and making sure they both have as much interest on both sides and I just love being able to help people show up for their businesses and just bring that element of the grandeur and the vintage and the decadent that I have from the boudoir side, but package it up and allow people to have that for their businesses as well, and you know have that empowering experience where they can be visible online and authentically themselves so yeah it's another thing that's kind of grown off into from all this amazing photography world that's landed around me but yeah, the business stuff really fulfills me - Yeah, do you find that there are similar things that people come to you for, like confidence wise with both sides of the business? - Yeah, it's exactly that and i'd say it very much is that confidence building side, so a lot of my clients actually do both, so they'll come to me for the boudoir, for the personal progression, and then the branding side for like business progression as well, so a lot of them overlap and I'm finding that clients who maybe hadn't wanted to come for the person or because of the lingerie are now coming for the business side so they're like "Actually I feel more comfortable with my clothes on, but I also want that same experience of having like two to three hours focusing on myself and you know I want to look and feel like myself at my very best but in a business environment", and especially in the last year I think lockdown has really knocked a lot of us in terms of our confidence because we haven't been around people, that we haven't had the same social interactions and I know i've been feeling that as well. I can't speak for everyone, but just to have that, have something that makes you feel really good about yourself so that when you enter a room you've got this presence that reflects and represents you as you truly are, so yeah definitely like I think confidence it definitely is on both sides, and it's the same conversation just pitched in a different way so whether it's to show up for yourself in your personal life and feel good about your body and you know own the space that you're in, and at the same time owning the space in your business like sometimes it can feel hard to show up as your authentic self in the business world because we know that we all know that people buy into us rather than necessarily our branding so yeah - Yeah yeah and actually on the sort of the sort of self-confidence and having that sort of three hours for yourself I was talking to Noleen on a previous podcast about like self-care and I do think that actually having, even if it's a boudoir shoot or if it's just some portraits done, whether that's for business or just for you, can be a really empowering like self-care thing and also it has the added benefit of being sort of a long term thing that you've then got something to look back on, and if it's for your business and you've got photos that you can use which is great that saves you some time as well - absolutely like you know on one hand you've got your social content coming and you've also got a you've also got a visual representation of yourself at every stage, and especially as your business develops into, you know, something you know iconic you know something that goes online and has history to it and being able to say you know I have pictures of this stage of my career, and I have pictures of this stage of my career but also it can be so easy to get lost in your business, and like either hide behind the camera you know on socials just not be present, and you know I will totally admit that I have been this person at points too, and it's just you know it's so easy to hide behind the client work rather than show up and say actually, you know, the reason that my business is special is because I'm here like I am my USP, and sometimes we are so busy working on other things or working like in the business that we forget to work on the business which really is ourselves so yeah, it's so important to have those, you know, even if it's just a few and it's you know once every two years or you know some people could do them once every quarter I definitely sit for myself personally about once a year, but it's just such a joy to be in front of that camera and just exist and yes it's scary and yes it's trusting someone else with a camera to make you look good but it's just so important. - Yeah yeah yeah, I agree and I think like there is a lot of sort of overlap because with social media a lot of the people I work with one of their big issues is like I don't want to post a selfie, I don't want to be on video, I don't want to do a live, I don't want to hop on stories, I just want what I do to speak for itself and as much as I understand that and I do think that what you what you actually do should stand on its own you are still the USP like you say, and people have to connect with you because ultimately people are not buying the actual thing, they need to know that they like you, that they trust you they want to work with you and not any of the other however many people do that exact same thing and it's such a shame I think because so many of the the business owners who have the the biggest issue showing up online, they're the people that we really need the most to be showing up online, because they're the ones who have the really like big life-changing society changing businesses who will we've got we've got to do this and they're still the ones that are the most terrified of actually showing up - Well I cannot remember the name of the person on YouTube that i've seen a video of, it's really old, it's about like 10 years old, and he draws a diagram, and it's three circles and the outside one is the what we offer, and then the middle one is how we offer, and the the inner one is why and a lot of businesses go with the "We offer this and this is how we do it!" but the most successful people start with the why, and the company that they use as an example is Apple which was like, "You know we challenge everything that we do, we challenge the status quo by doing this. We just happen to make great computers." I'll have to find it and i'll maybe i'll send you the link so that you can like - Yeah I will put it in the show notes - But it truly is that you know the people that have that heart and soul that they pour into it have such a strong why, and it's the why that we buy into as consumers and you're absolutely right the more vulnerable we make our story the more people can connect with it and then buy our service, product, whatever we're offering, and obviously you know, you find your own comfort level on what you're willing to actually share, but you know just even those little hints of you, or me, that's what people want to see from us, they want to know why it's so important to us to offer a service, make a product, this is needed in the industry because you're right and yeah just even, you know, post that selfie. I love the March Meet the Maker when everyone posts their behind the scenes and it's like "This is me. This is my workspace. This is the day in my life." I eat that stuff up like I'm on everyone's page going "Oh look at your workspace." - Yeah yeah, it adds that human element and I think this is what tends to get lost and again, somewhat ironically, with the businesses who are the most human is this idea that they they feel like the the thing they're selling has to stand on its own, and that has to be the front and center and the focus, and so the actual human component of it their why, who they are, what they're going through gets totally abandoned and lost in the sort of "Look, I do this thing, this is a business account." and it's such a shame but I do find that when people take part in whether it's things like March Meet the Maker, or whether it's like just posting a bit of a random vulnerable selfie or something or even like behind the scenes of their, like "Oh this is my desk. I've really got to clean this up today." - Yeah - That's where they get the response from their audience because it's relatable and people like "Well god you're a messy person too! Oh thank you, it's not just me with the trash desk!" - Oh my god I wish you could see my desk, it's such a mess right now - Yeah I was just really saying from personal experience - That's everything on here, i've got my Japanese from I do japanese lessons at the weekend, so that's here like i've got everything from like parcel stickers, okay so maybe maybe today's job is tidying my desk take a selfie of it, done. You're completely right, every time i've posted something that is either deeply personal or has a picture of me in it, it does get so much more you know traction I guess. People just want to connect with that and even if you're not doing it on the always regular but you make that little effort to turn up maybe once a week once every two weeks, you know whatever your comfort level is you'll be amazed at what no one really is their, I think there's this fear that everyone's going to jump on you and have something horrible to say, because such is the internet that trolls exist but actually most people who've actively sought you and are following you were there to support your journey anyway, they're there to find out who you are, they're invested in you because they've already hit the follow button, so you know you've already got that many people that are going to be behind you going yes, like let's help lift you up, and I think that's the main thing to remember - Yeah yeah and I think with the troll thing I do think it's important to remember that when you're showing up, you are showing up for the people who, for your people you're not showing up for everybody else, and if everybody else sees it and they're like this is rubbish, I hate this what, what are you doing, it doesn't matter because they're not your people and that can be really hard in the moment I'm not saying it's easy to just oh whatever I don't know all these awful comments, but I do think it's important to remember that, that it's not about those people. It's about the people who you are actually able to impact, who you want to impact - Absolutely and the trolling doesn't last, i've had a few, i've had a few over the years. Nothing nothing that i'd say is as major as like some of the big ones we hear about but, you know, it does happen and you know also I'm not gonna admit that I haven't spent a whole night worrying about the one person because you know, we do it, we're human, but you know it goes away and it's really important to remember that the 99.9% are there you know so - Yeah yeah definitely. How do you suggest then that people build their why into their images that they are using - I think with a brand it's really important to focus on who you are, so that could be, you know, where do you work, like what's important to you, do you have a space that you work in all the time, and maybe it's shooting in that environment, so if you're a designer maker maybe your photos are in your workspace or your studio, so we can see a little bit more of where you spend your days, are you a vibrant bright shiny person with pink hair, which both of us have actually right now so maybe we're showing you, but maybe we're showing the vibrancy that you bring to your daily life. Do you have your brand colors?Do they resonate with you in your space? maybe we're bringing in elements of your brand colors or maybe your shoot has props in it that are your products or you know things that are special to you so that we can connect with those as well maybe there's a special place in the world that inspired you. So I don't know let's say for example that you had your best idea ever and it came from a holiday or something that you still have access to, and maybe it's revisiting where that idea came from so that then you can say in your shoot in your socials afterwards "This was what inspired me and this is where it all came from" and things like that or you know if you're a product designer maybe it's in having pictures of your designs, your cad drawings, some of your product packaging, like having that around you so you're still the focus, but we have little elements in the picture that draw us all in and go "Oh okay, well this is your studio, and here are some of your final pieces" and like having them dotted around you and bringing in everything that ties you as a human to your business so you know then equally you know if you've got the products with you then your branding shoot could also have some product placement or product lifestyle shots, and then you're getting the best of both worlds really because you can you can kind of have a little bit of everything and get and get the most out of your time - Yeah yeah I think it's easy to forget especially that your workspace actually says a lot more about you than you realize, because we all set up our workspaces differently and because we function differently. We need, some people need a super clean super organized desk and they cannot work if there's mess, and other people have posters and stickers and pot plants and whatever all about the place and it gives people an insight into into you as a whole individual just to see even simply your desk or your workspace or wherever it is, and I think it's really easy to forget and just think well everybody has a desk or everybody has a studio or whatever that you know it's just it's just a desk, what's interesting about it? But it tells people so much more than you realize - Exactly and I mean i'll use our two examples like because obviously I can see your space and you can see mine right now, and you put these two incredible mood boards behind you with like motivational messages on them and I'm like the second that you like popped up and I'm like ah, you're enough, yes yes you are, but I love seeing those things behind people and you know like for me you know I'm sat here and i've got an entire display of vintage cameras behind me, and it's not something that I talk about regularly in fact I don't think I ever really talk about my love of vintage cameras, but you know if you see my space you can see that that's clearly a part of who I am, and like my lucky cats and and like my little beanie puppy that's behind me and but, you know, like I think it's so important to see that because there's so much that we have around us that we forget is important to mention but it might be something else that resonates, so for example like if you are looking for a photographer, for example, and you both bond over the vintage cameras that just happened to be on the shelf, that could really help someone resonate with you or I don't know what other things you might have in your studio, but let's say there's a poster on a wall of like art or a print of a specific artist that might be your inspiration that you haven't mentioned before, and again it's something that would maybe resonate or your mood boards behind you, like there's another one above your head that says stand out don't fit in - There is - There is and like little things like that like you might have like a motivational quote that you have on like somewhere around you that someone else goes you know what that's the thing that got me through last week, like we'll bond over that so yeah I think there's so many things and you know even if it's like the make of your sewing machine or you know they want to ask a question about you, is it a cricket cricket I can't remember I never know what they call them, but you know little things like that that people might just resonate with that you just have no idea, and even just things that you have or own or you've curated into a space could be the thing that someone really bumps with you over - Yeah yeah it is, it's connecting again on that human level, isn't it, it's seeing a little bit of who someone is and being like "Oh you love that thing too" or "Oh that looks like there's a story behind that, I would be interested in hearing it" and that's what makes the connection and that's what makes you stand out over somebody else. It's not specifically what you do, it really is you as a person and I think to a degree that actually fuels people not showing up, because if you show up as who you are inevitably there will be people who don't like who you are as a person or who are put off by that motivational quote that you use or that poster that you've got up or that make of sewing machine like there are going to be people who see that and go "I don't want to work with you" because of it, and again I think it's important to come back to like well then they're not your people - Well exactly you know and showing up with yourself as your true like vulnerable authentic self will only help you pull out the good clients that are like your perfect match versus everyone that might be looking for someone to help them work with their socials or someone that wants to create photos, you know, and me showing who I am definitely helps bring in people that sit within the same emotional space or have the same values, not only those that resonate with my style of photography and the more that I make myself available in a to an extent vulnerable place online it has meant that these days I'm not having to say as much I don't think we're a great fit because I'm drawing in the right people to match my brand and when I say brands I mean not just my brand as a business but my brand as a human and I think it's important to tie those two together - Yeah yeah and actually on the point about vulnerability I just want to say that it doesn't have to be your your deepest darkest traumas or whatever and actually this was something I spoke to Markle about again on a previous podcast, that it can be something as small as your favorite flavor of tea that connects to you it doesn't have to be like, being vulnerable and being authentic doesn't have to be ripping off the bandage on this open wound that you still haven't healed from like it really can be teeny tiny things that are just an insight into who you are so it can be the small things you don't have to open yourself up and I do think it's important that people have a think before they start posting stuff about where those boundaries are for them, because it's really really easy to get caught up and to think in the moment "Oh I want to share something vulnerable. Here's this thing, that traumatic thing that just happened. I'm gonna put it out there." and then a week later or even the next day you're like why did I do that - Yeah - It's very difficult to undo that - Yes, I have very strict boundaries on family and relationships so i'll happily talk about myself and to an extent like I will talk about my relationship with my body because I feel that's important within my work, but like my hard boundary is no talk about family. My immediate like nuclear family they they barely ever get mentioned, like i'll put up a little post on like my wedding anniversary but other than that there is not a single mention of any one of them, nothing, and to me that's my hard wall. There's probably a couple of other things but like that's my main one and even if people ask you, like if you do an ask me anything or like a q and a session it's still okay to say i'll answer everything but not that - Yeah definitely definitely and it's totally okay as well to state those boundaries, you know sometimes they are going to be unwritten things that you don't overtly mention but you justdon't talk about them, but it is okay to do if you are going to do like you say ask me anything q and a type hope session to say like these things are off limits I'm not happy to to talk about them, and actually I was I was talking to a few people in the dms the other day because I put up a post about my mental illness and quite a few people felt like because i'd posted about it there was this feeling like "Oh I should share my own journey" - Yes, yeah - You don't have to like the reason I actually put up a story about it afterwards because I was like you don't have to because the reason I talk about it is because it has been a really core part of who I am and it does inform why I do the things I do the way I do them, and also for me it's very much a way to make something good from it, like if I feel absolutely horrific it does make me feel a bit better to say "I feel horrific" because I know other people see it and I know those people are like "Oh it's not just me, other people are going through it" because i've been that person who's seen other people post it and go "Oh it's not just me" but you don't have to share your journey if you don't want to talk about your mental illness or your mental health and you don't, or you want to share your diagnosis but you don't want to talk about how it affects you or you don't want to share your diagnosis but you want to share the symptoms that you have, like you set those rules and you set those boundaries and it has to be what is what is good and healthy for you so nobody else can say to you like "You need thisboundary in place, you need that boundary" you have to think right what am I comfortable sharing, what would I share with a friend but not want them to pass on right well that's that's off limits then. Yeah you've got to do that sort of initial work of like "What am I happy with putting out there?" - Yeah and you know it's great that if you do feel that you can share something, like I imagine that your dms were absolutely full of people going "I resonate with this, thank you so much, I needed to hear this today" and I think that's the other thing, that people wouldn't necessarily put it openly in comments but when you share a little something, just even a snippet, a nugget, like a sentence you'd be amazed at how many people would just resonate with that one thing. Actually even yesterday someone posted something about it was mental health based, I can't remember what it said, it was like a like, i'll call it an inspirational quote sort of meme but it said something like you know you showing up today is enough and it was to do with like the lock down because well as we record this it's the 17th of may which is the day that obviously everything's lifting in the uk a little bit and I think a lot of us are feeling really anxious about that and just to have someone else go "You know, I'm not feeling like my best self going into this" like it's really anxious like that's how i've been feeling, so for me it was like, again, like a dm going "Thank you for sharing that, I really needed to read that today" so yeah you'll be surprised how people you'll touch the right people and it will strengthen a relationship for sure - Yeah yeah Do you find that the boudoir shoots help people to establish their own boundaries with other people, because I feel like a lot of that can come down to confidence and belief that you are allowed to have boundaries, so doing something like a boudoir shoot and building your confidence and being able to set those boundaries with a photographer must be kind of a good sort of practice run. - Definitely. A lot of people come to shoots for different reasons, for some that's, you know, some people are coming to celebrate their bodies and they're already in that space, but for others it can be I'm not feeling so confident and especially with the, for me boudoir is such a consent laden industry in general you know from consent to photograph but also being aware of how people feel in their own bodies and not overstepping, that there's a lot of unspoken consent that goes on around that as well and trust and so it could even be even something like me saying to what level do you feel comfortable being photographed which then gives them the opportunity to say I feel comfortable being photographed from these angles, at this level of dress undress in this environment and making sure that they know that if they feel uncomfortable at any time they have the opportunity to say stop and I will put my camera down until they say I can pick the camera back up again, and so they're finding themselves in an environment where they have complete control at all times, and it can be little things like that where you go "Oh, like I actually do have that I do have control over everything even though I'm not the one with the camera" and so then they see photographs of themselves and they feel incredible with within them and suddenly it lights a spark of "Oh I deserve to take up space, I deserve to exist in photos" and then just little snippets of that then just builds and builds through their daily life and it's like "Oh well you know if I deserve to take up space in a photo then I deserve to take up space in my relationship, or I deserve to take up space in my job role in this company" and I love seeing the transitions of people, coming from I don't have boundaries and I don't deserve space, through to I do deserve space and I'm going to take over the world and I'm just going to own this little part of the universe and call it mine and some of my clients are now on like shoot 8 or shoot 9 and just seeing their journey as they've come through like whether it's recovering from an injury and seeing them grow and strengthen themselves, but also seeing how that goes through, or i've got one client who shot with me in probably like year two of my business who's now a west end like superstar like just going from strength to strength and just seeing that journey and watching them grow from you know barely 20 through, in fact may not even have been 20 at the time, all the way through to like this absolute powerhouse now, I just love watching people's transformation journeys and it's my privilege to just be part of that and document that journey for them - Yeah yeah I do think some of the conversation I see around like boudoir photography and selfies in general, I think just that having glamorous photos of yourself or just photos of yourself where you clearly feel confident or you look like you feel confident, maybe not in the moment, some of the conversation around it is a lot of pushback about well it was only a photo shoot, it's only a selfie it's, you know, it's not real confidence, it's not real realistic or the other, it's just it's quote just a photo shoot, but I think people massively underestimate, well everything really, but - Well yeah - It only takes that sort of small thing to start a snowball effect of yeah - Exactly and I mean I would say it takes a lot of confidence to turn up in front of a stranger with a camera and take your clothes off, I mean if that's not the epitome of confidence I really don't know what it is, but you know like it's that making that decision to make yourself vulnerable and regardless of whether that's taking your clothes off in front of a camera, maybe it's putting yourself through a Ted Talk and making yourself vulnerable on stage, maybe it's showing up for yourself and like, you know, if you're not a confident person it's taking that step into that networking room and standing in the center of the room and making yourself available, it's going to the restaurant alone and not sitting on your phone or taking a book, but just making eye contact with the room. It only takes one thing whatever that thing is, it might be small to someone but it's mighty to others - Yeah and it, you've got to know what that thing is for you and I think it can take a lot of figuring out as well, you know, it's not to say that you're going to sit down and think right, what is that thing that I can do that's going to improve my confidence, but I do think you can get a feel if you know yourself. - Yes - Because you know initially, like, where the real big challenges are and you can go right, I'm gonna put those at the bottom of the list for now what is a little bit less scary but that I might actually be able to achieve and say to myself yes I did this and I did this, even though I was terrified. - A really great example I can give is, you know we talk about your comfort box so if you got a piece of paper and drew your comfort box in the middle and put yourself in it and then mapped on it how far out of your comfort zone each thing is, so if you said having a photo shoot is like a meter out but like being on stage doing a Ted Talk is like 20 meters out, and then literally go around and draw yourself little rings around them going okay, well these things feel the closest to my comfort zone i'll take this step this week and next month, i'll do the next one out and just, you know, just radiate out because every time you hit the next one, technically your comfort level box gets bigger and it's a really great way to visualize how you feel and what might be the next natural step. I mean you know if there's a big difference between, well depending on who you are, but like for example holding a spider for me is probably going to be like off the page, so I'm not going to jump to let's go and have a photo shoot with a tarantula, but for example maybe just showing up and posting a selfie with a "Hi, this is who I am" might be the next step it could be the small one and even if it's not the vulnerable, you know, this is something really deeply personal but just hey, like here's my face on a day that I feel pretty okay about myself like is the next thing - Yeah yeah I do think there's a lot of power in posting selfies especially if you are someone who is not a big fan of themselves because not only does it sort of push you out of your comfort zone a little bit, you do tend to find that you will get a lot of support and I think that that then fuels you to build the confidence yourself because there is, as much as getting validation from other people isn't real quite real confidence it can help you to build your own confidence in yourself because it's not just about hearing other people say nice things about you, it's putting yourself out there and not having people say awful things and be just being validated in yes, I see that you're struggling and this is difficult for you but you're awesome. - Yeah - And it allows you to give yourself permission to go yeah this was hard for me, but I did it, go me, and that starts to build that confidence to then show up more and be a little bit more authentic and to gradually figure out who you are and put that out there - Exactly I remember one of my friends posting, it was her first ever like instagram live and it was only about two minutes long, but she'd been doing a course and that said you need to battle your demons, you need to go on and be live and so the live basically consisted of i've never been live before. I'm so out of my comfort zone I feel really really uncomfortable but I'm like I'm just here and I'm just showing up and I yeah I don't I don't really have a lot to say but I'm here. and it got so much interaction and so much support everyone jumping on I mean I didn't know it was happening but I happened to see it I'm like yes queen. yeah you take this time you show up for yourself and you know people are going to be there and support that and I think I just remember the first time I got called up on the first time I got called up to do a public speaking event. I had no idea that I was doing it, someone had dropped out and I was working for a company and they said "Oh so-and-so's decided not to go on stage today so you're gonna have to take the lead" I'm like oh um, like "Yeah uh, I know you haven't prepared anything that's happening in 20 minutes but can you just go up and you know just just show some just show some of your work and you know do a little bit of this and that" and oh my god I was so nervous I'm glad I only had like 20 minutes to prepare for it because I think I would have talked myself out of it but I went up there, it felt awful, but I did it and then like you know now I go up and present you know several talks a day and do loads and loads of public speaking but just that one step, that one, feel the fear and do it anyway has helped unlock so much else and it'll be amazing to see how that one selfie might, you know, a year later you might be on stage you know giving a power hour lecture or something, like you just you never know what that first step will lead you to - Yeah it is it's true, it's true, that's a wonderful place to leave it. Take the first step, absolutely I would like to set a little challenge for people listening as well, to tell us what their first step is so that I could check in and see like hey, have you taken this first step, what did you do, we want to hear about it - SAsolutely and if you let me know as well, tag us in it and we'll go and cheer, you want to be biggest cheerleaders and give you some love - We will, we will. So tell us where can people find you so you can find me on instagram, if you want the boudoir you can find me at Tigz Rice if you want the branding you can find me at Branding by Tigx, please feel free to pick your poison or both, and then also i've got tigzrice.com or brandingbytigs.com either or - Good, I will drop all the links in the show notes so you can find her very easily and thank you very much for being here this has been lovely - Thank you so much for having me it's been the most amazing time [Hawke] If you want more regular reminders to find your own way to use social media follow Alexis on your social platform of choice all the links will be in the show notes until next time be a human